Lima Drug Store

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Lima Drug Store

Post  Kurt Hummel on Sat Nov 05, 2011 6:11 pm

Dark glasses, check. Non-fabulous t-shirt borrowed from Finn's room (that he fairly certain Finn had never actually worn), check. Non-skintight jeans, check. Baseball cap borrowed from dad, check. Necklace tucked in. Oh, he really should have traded these boots for some sneakers or...or...cowboy boots or something. These were far too stylish.

Oh, who was he fooling anyway? There was no way that anyone who knew him wouldn't recognize him immediately. Despite his disguise, he was Kurt Hummel, and was far too fabulous to be mistaken for anyone else.

Besides, he had no reason to be embarassed, he scolded himself. People bought these things every day.

He checked himself in the rearview mirror one last time and cringed at the ridiculous outfit he'd picked out. He wasn't going to fool anyone. So he needed to remove the worst offence. He took off the hat and swiftly fixed his hair.

He made his way into the drug store, acting as non-chalant as he could. He was just here for co—oh, God, was that Herr Lauer the German teacher?--ough syrup. He began perusing the shelves picking up each brand of syrup and pretending to read the labels until he saw the teacher finish up his purchase and leave the store.

He was being silly. There was nothing wrong with shopping for condoms. So what if someone saw him. He was 17. He was in a committed, loving relationship. He was being responsible. And safe.

He scowled as he returned the cough syrup to the shelf.

Okay, so…condom isle.

Oh, and in what little he’d been able to watch of those online…videos (seriously, why would anyone put a tattoo there? Why why why?) he needed to get some sort of oil. He’d really have to read the labels to find one that wouldn’t make his skin break out. How mortifying would that be? And preferably something that didn’t smell like baby oil, he decided. Maybe they should just use some of his duck fat crème? Except then he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to look at it the same way again and he really did like using it for his hands…

There were probably some choices right next to the...

Right. So…condom isle.

He wasn’t really sure what he’d expected to find when he reached the isle, but…there was way more of it than what he’d expected.

How was he supposed to know what to get? His eyes widened (thank god for the dark shades) as he ogled the shelves filled with different options. How was he supposed to choose? How was he supposed to choose something like this for Blaine?

Well, one thing for sure, latex was so not going *there*. So that ruled out a number of the options. The other ones were more expensive, so that probably meant they were better anyway. So good, no latex. But that was as far as he could easily eliminate. Ribbed or not ribbed? And what size? How was he supposed to know which size to get? He’d heard about Neanderthals who actually *measured* themselves, but there was no way…okay, he could sort of estimate. He’d never really thought about it before, nor had he—as many-a-McKinley-jock-would-be-surprised-to-know—done any…comparing, so his knowledge was a bit limited. So what size would be appropriate for Blaine? He immediately ruled out the “small”, which left regular, large, and…why on earth would they call them something ridiculous like jumbo?

He imagined Blaine the other morning in the shower and…

Okay, maybe that was a mistake.

A really big mistake.

He felt his face growing very red and tried to focus back on the boxes in front of him. He had no idea what size. Or…flavor? Oh. God. Or what style? Maybe he should call Brittany, she'd probably...no, absolutely not. Maybe he should look at the lubricants and come back to the condoms.

Warming? Cooling? Flavored, not flavored? Would the chocolate aggrivate his acne? Well, at least he could rule out the “for her”…well, maybe he shouldn’t--that might smell really good and really although the mechanics were a little bit different…

Frustrated, he grabbed several different bottles and threw them into his basket. Then he grabbed several boxes of condoms of varying sizes and styles and tossed them into the basket as well.

It wasn’t until he was emptying his basket onto the counter that he realized with no small amount of mortification that the cashier probably was going to think that he was a prostitute.

He should have kept the baseball cap.
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Re: Lima Drug Store

Post  Blaine Anderson on Sat Nov 05, 2011 6:16 pm

I CAN'T BREATHE



OH MY GOD
THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST POSTS EVER WRITTEN
I AM DYING
I HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO EVEN
OMG
I JUST...OH KURT
POOR KURTLE
I CANNOT
OMG
KD;LFSE
I LOVE YOU
AND I LOVE KURT
OMG

GOOD THING KURT DID THIS ALONE
IF HE BROUGHT BLAINE...HE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM BECAUSE BLAINE
OH BLAINE
HE WOULD HAVE SUGGESTED THEY ASK FOR HELP
AND HE'D BE SO CHEERFUL
WALKING UP TO THE SALES ASSISTANT
AND ASKING FOR ADVICE AND RECOMMENDATIONS
FRSE;LKRFSE;KG;LSKLG;S
OMG
ANYWAY
YES
I LOVE YOU
AND I AM DEAD
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Re: Lima Drug Store

Post  Kurt Hummel on Sat Nov 05, 2011 6:21 pm

Bwahahahaha. I can so imagine Blaine being super daper while asking for advise all the while Kurt dying a thousand deaths in the background.

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Re: Lima Drug Store

Post  Blaine Anderson on Sat Nov 05, 2011 6:22 pm

Hehehe.
He'd be so relaxed about it and then he'd turn around and be like 'Now, was that so har-- Kurt, why aren't you breathing?"
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Re: Lima Drug Store

Post  Karofsky on Sun Nov 06, 2011 5:03 pm

Dead
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Re: Lima Drug Store

Post  Burt Hummel on Mon Nov 07, 2011 3:41 pm

Oh my GOD. LMAO.

Kurt, why didn't you come to me, Buddy? I could have taken you to a shop and we could have talked about all this stuff! And I'm sure we could have gone to Ms. Pilsbury for some excellent pamphlets...

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Re: Lima Drug Store

Post  Blaine Anderson on Mon Nov 07, 2011 3:50 pm

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Re: Lima Drug Store

Post  Kurt Hummel on Tue Nov 08, 2011 9:39 am

Blaine Anderson wrote:

Nooooooooooooooo!

Burt Hummel wrote:Oh my GOD. LMAO.

Kurt, why didn't you come to me, Buddy? I could have taken you to a shop and we could have talked about all this stuff! And I'm sure we could have gone to Ms. Pilsbury for some excellent pamphlets...

"Mortification" does not even begin to describe...
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