The Park-Later

Reed waited by a park bench where Shane was supposed to meet him. He had been acting strange all week and Reed was beginning to get a bit worried. He shuffled his feet nervously, as a few strands of strawberry blonde hair hung in his face. Was he going to break up with him? Reed bit his lip nervously, pacing the area of the bench. He had thought things were going great; more than great. What was wrong? Was it something he said? Was he frustrated with his clumsiness? Reed groaned, sitting on the bench and putting his head in his hands. He needed to stop over thinking things.

Shane had his hands in his pockets as he sauntered up to the bench. Was this it? Was now the time? Was today the day? Was he finally going to say to Reed what he'd wanted to say for about a week now?
'I love you.'
How hard is that?
Shane turned the words - just three, so simple, but perhaps the most complex in the English language - over in his mind, saying them again and again, moving his tongue around in his mouth as he might when he said them. He was warming up, just in case he decided to say it.
He might. He might actually do it.
Ever since the idea had occurred to him - that he might love Reed Van Kamp - he couldn't shake the need to say it. But he was scared. He couldn't be around Reed without feeling his heart flutter, telling him that he needed to just spit it out already so that he could tell Reed was many times as he wanted that he loved him, he loved him, Shane loved Reed.
But Reed was fragile, and Shane didn't know if it was a good idea. He didn't know how Reed would take it. Reed was, after all, just barely out of the closet. He wasn't sure about love and that kind of thing.
But Shane knew that he did love Reed. He just knew it. He knew it like he knew what the color red was, or how a pancake tasted, or that summer is hot and winter is cold.
But for some people - in Africa or Australia or California - winter is hot. So Shane didn't know if Reed's winter was hot or cold. He didn't know if Reed loved him or not.
That was the other concern. What if he said it and Reed was just like, "Oh, okay."
What then?
As Shane sat next to Reed on the bench and said hi as if he was talking to a stranger, he wondered what Reed must think of him right now. They were comfortable around each other - they'd been dating for awhile. But now Shane got all tensed up whenever Reed was around. He felt nervous.
Would this be the day that he finally said it?

Reed picked up his head out of his hands and smiled; the kind of smile that didn't exactly reach his eyes.

"Hi."

Reed took a deep breath. He was definitely going to break up with him. Why else would he have met him hear at the park like this? Reed felt stupid. He thought that he and Shane had something special. He had almost thought that he...that he maybe...sort of...

He shook his head. It wasn't important anymore, because Shane obviously didn't feel the same.

"Umm...so how are you?"

He hated how fake his voice sounded. He didn't want to show what he was actually feeling. Pathetic. He didn't want Shane to think that he was upset. He would rather just get it over with so he could go home and cry in his dorm and paint.

Shane could see how this was killing Reed. Reed probably had the wrong idea. He probably thought Shane hated him. And then a thought occurred to Shane: Reed probably thinks I'm going to break up with him. Could Shane do anything right, he wondered? So he resolved that he'd spit it out. He really would say it now. He really, really, really would. He'd just spit it out. Three words. That easy.
"I'm doing fine." Those were three words, but not the right ones, not at all. They were probably the absolute worst words. "How are you?"
He would have laughed at this - at the way they sat with no contact, not looking at each other - if he hadn't been so nervous he was afraid he'd throw up all over Reed's expensive shoes.

Reed turned his face to the ground, pushing the soles of his expensive shoes into the pavement. "Fine I guess." he answered shortly. If Shane was going to break up with him, why did he have to drag it out like this? Couldn't he just say it and get it over with? "I've just been busy I guess, with painting. I haven't seen you in a while." he sighed, looking up at Shane sadly. It was almost painful. He just wanted things to be the way they were. He wanted Shane to tease him and joke with him like he used to. What had changed?

Shane mustered a smile. Okay. He had to make small talk. He'd tell Reed in five minutes. Shane glanced at his watch. 3:27. At 3:32 he would tell Reed that he loved him.
"What kinds of paintings?" he asked, stalling, hoping that 3:32 would come quickly or never come at all.

Reed inwardly groaned. Small talk? Really? Shane already had seen most of his paintings for the gallery. He KNEW what kind of paintings. "You've seen most of them." Reed replied shortly. "I'm just kind of stressed. My mom's actually going to be there this time. It needs to be perfect." and he couldn't afford to have these kinds of distractions. Even painting was beginning to frustrate him. Without Shane there, what inspiration did he have?

"Why did you want to see me here again?" he asked faintly, almost afraid of the answer.

"Because we're boyfriends and I l..." Shane almost said it. He almost said 'I love you.' But instead he said, "...like spending time with you?" He stood up. "Let's walk and see if there's anything interesting to do or see around here." He was afraid Reed might feel his sweaty palms, so he didn't offer his hand.

At the mention of walking, Reed automatically reached out his hand to take Shane's, only to have it pretty much rejected. He frowned, sticking his hand in his back pant pocket as they walked around the park's stone path.

"Shane..." Reed began meekly as they walked in awkward silence, "is there something wrong? You've barely looked at me or touched me all week...did I do something wrong?" He didn't know how much longer he could take not knowing. He hated being so confused.

"No," Shane said quickly, maybe a little too quickly. "Not at all." He turned to look at Reed, and disregarding the sweaty hand thing, pulled Reed's hand out of his pocket and took it in his. "Don't ever think you've ever done something wrong. If anyone's done anything wrong, it's me."
This was the time to say it. This was right. But Shane couldn't. He didn't know if it was right for Reed or their relationship. He didn't want to be rejected.

[ooc: LOL. Reed's hand was in his back pocket. Awkward...]

Reed gasped as Shane pulled his hand out of his pocket. Shane's hands were sweaty and he looked completely stricken with worry.
"Then what's wrong! Do you not feel the same?" his voice wavered, eyes moistening. He looked back down to the ground, face flushed, not trusting himself to look at Shane again.

[ooc: yeah I thought of that too, but I thought it was cute so I kept it. XD]
Feel how? Did Reed love Shane, too? Would Reed say so?
No, he probably wouldn't, that wasn't like Reed.
But...
"Feel how?" Shane asked.

Reed blushed through his frustration. Darn Shane and his ability to do this to him.

"The way you used to feel about me. The way I feel about you..." Reed didn't want to say much more. If Shane didn't feel the same anymore he didn't want to come off needy. "I just thought that we had something special" he whispered, pulling his hand away from Shane to face him. "I thought that I-" he stopped himself, "never mind." He wouldn't say it. He couldn't.

'I thought that I loved you.'
That was what Reed was going to say, but he didn't, for some reason, so who the hell was Shane to say it now? Obviously Reed didn't want it said.
Or maybe he was just scared, like Shane...
But now...
He'd made a big huge mess of things. Open mouth, insert foot. That was Shane.
"No," Shane replied, trying to communicate his love for Reed with his eyes but it wasn't working. "No, I really like you. I probably...feel the same...way...about you...as you do...about me."
Why was love so complicated, and why couldn't he do it?

"I really really like you too Shane." he replied, stopping to look up at Shane with his big brown eyes. Was he trying to say that he...

"Just...can't you tell me what's been up these last few days?" He bit his lip nervously. Obviously, Shane was hiding something from him. Reed hated not knowing things. He hated not knowing what was going on under that curly mop of hair. "I won't get mad I promise." he added sheepishly. He knew that if something happened that Reed would be upset about, he'd much rather hear about it from Shane rather than through someone else.

"Nothing's been up," Shane said. "IreallyreallylikeyounowjustasmuchifnotmorethanIdidbefore." He took a deep breath. Was he forgetting the spaces again? "Let's talk about something else. There's nothing wrong. So I hate finals more than anything else in the world."

Reed took a deep breath, trying to get his emotions in check. Why was he changing the topic NOW of all times? Why now!?

"Shane, what did you just say? The part BEFORE the finals?"

Shane blushed. He should've known the deflecting the conversation until he had the guts to say it wouldn't work. "IreallyreallylikeyounowjustasmuchifnotmorethanIdidbefore," he repeated, just as quickly.

A small smile began to play on Reed's lips watching Shane become so flustered. "More?" he asked meekly. He liked him more now than he did before? Did that mean what he thought it meant?

[OOC: message me, I'm confused.]
Shane gulped. He didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. He felt like there was a small tree growing in his throat, and if he said anything, he'd die.
He wanted to. So badly. But so much depended on the three little words, just like the little red wheelbarrow...

Reed shook his head and groaned in frustration. "I just don't understand what you're trying to tell me! I'm being honest with you here and you're just changing the subject and not telling me anything!" Reed's cheeks flushed with emotion, "I thought that maybe you felt the same way about me that I feel about you." he turned his face to the ground, not daring to meet the taller boy's eyes. "I think I love you! and it's like you don't even care!"

Shane blinked.
'I think I love you.'
Had Reed really just said it, or was he hearing things?
Shane couldn't think of anything that sounded like 'I think I love you,' though, so he decided that Reed had indeed said it.
Part of him felt pissed off that Reed had beaten him to it, but the other, biggest part, felt relieved and happy and ecstatic and joyous and like the world was all aligning at once because Reed loved him!!!!!!!
"I love you!" he blurted out, because Reed had said it, so he could now, too.

Reed's eyes widened like a deer in headlights. 'I love you!'. A warm feelings spread through his body and an unstoppable smile spread across his face. He had been so worried. He had worried that Shane didn't feel anything for him anymore, and now he understood. Was Shane just trying to say what he had wanted to say for so long?

"Really?" he asked, giddiness coming through in his voice. He was overcome with happiness, and he couldn't help the blush that rose on his cheeks or the feeling of his heart beating faster in his chest.

"Yes!" Shane shouted, but he didn't mean to shout. The word just came out with all the feeling inside it, and that happened to make it shout-worthy. "I'msosorryImadeyouworryIdidn'tloveyouanymore," he said in a rush, "butIdoIdoIdo. I just wanted to tell you..."

Reed shut Shane up with a kiss, smiling against his lips. "You should have just said so!" Reed giggled, swatting Shane's chest playfully. "I love you." he smiled pecking Shane's lips again. He couldn't say it enough. He loved the way it came off of his lips; like it was right.